listen the idea of having a food blog makes me gag a little, it’s like being way too good at some stupid video game or being obsessed with orlando bloom or some shit and blah blah blah it’s consumerist and bullshitty, but honestly this is the best thing i ever made and i wanna share because you savory carb and fat fetishists out there just like need to know
phyllis’s mac and cheese only fancier and with beer (feeds three skinny bitches or like you and your infant cousin)
whole wheat whatever kinda pasta you wanna use, like a half pound/bag/box or something. i used whole wheat penne, because i trick myself into thinking pasta is okay to eat by buying whole wheat and the word penne makes me giggle.
olive oil, three tablespoons
half an onion, chopped widdle
clove of garlic, minced
half bottle of whatever beer you want (you drink the rest duh; i used some random dark beer someone had brought over, which was a little sweet but mostly earthy and beery and good…or whatever kinda words you use to talk about beer)
a quarter pound grated whatever kinda hard salty cheese you like mmm hard and saltyyy i used pecorino romano because the word pecorino makes me giggle and because i don’t eat a lot of cow’s milk cheeses.
optional: a handful of grated or thinly sliced random other cheese, i think i had some cheddar style goat cheese lying around at the time.
optional: half a bunch of roughly chopped spinach if you wanna get some iron and/or delude yourself into thinking it makes any difference even though it’s literally shellacked with cheese roux goo i know i did.
salt and pepper but mostly pepper
so while you wait for your pot of salted water to boil and your oven to pre-heat to 350, you put the olive oil in a little saucepan, heat it up, add your chopped up onions, cook em till they’re transparent.
add your minced garlic and don’t fucking burn it i am so afraid of fucking burning my garlic so once it started browning even a little i dumped in the half bottle of beer which i had not intended to use but which i figured might work from my casual pre-coital glances at recipes involving beer and cheese.
the problem is that the beer i’d been drinking was, obviously, frosty fuckin cold, so then i had to wait for the beer to cook annoyingggg but whatever, otherwise you have to pour half a bottle of beer out ahead of time and let that get room temperature and that sketches me out a little slash it’s really satisfying to be drinkin your beer and then bam, it’s in your pot of roux-ish-ness. finally it got all bubbly and lost its foamy fizz and did heat up and stopped smelling like booze and started smelling a little more caramely and reduced down just a tad. meanwhile water had boiled, so the pasta went in.
then i tossed in all of the cheese to the beer mixture and stirred until my heart sang with the creaminess and smoothness and happiness. put in the spinach, which wilted down gorgeously. salt and pepper to taste blah blah blah. let it sit on low heat, stirring obsessive-compulsively, keeping eye on pasta.
drained pasta a couple minutes out from al dente, put down alternate layers of pasta and sauce in a breadpan of all things because i don’t have a lot of bakeware, mixed it up sort of haphazardly. sprinkled the top with mad panko, popped the whole operation in the oven.
since i’m impatient and was so full of the hungers i took it out under ten minutes later and commenced getting fat(ter).
WILL ENJOY THANK YOU BYE